Friday, January 7, 2011

Bros before Hos

Listen. This is the dumbest rhyme... and idea ever. Personally I can not wait for a ho to come around so i can ditch 94.6% of my bros. That is all.

Monday, April 6, 2009

Time to teach paper a lesson

I was inspired today while at work. As I walked my one of my co-workers who seemed annoyed or angry I watched her lay down the law on a piece of paper. She stamped it, but she stamped it with such ferocity that it might as well have been a punch to the face.

This got me thinking that essentially stamping is punching paper right in the face. I thought what better way to teach paper a lesson? You can't punch it in the face A) it doesn't have a face; B) it will probably make you look ridiculous and C) Either you hurt yourself because you punched the solid object behind the paper or punched essentially air.

Paper has gotten by for too long without being taught a lesson!!! Is my stance today! Who do we blame when paper brings us bad news? Who? The person/company that sent that piece of paper too us. Well they don't care, why would they? So it is pointless to get angry at them and it is time to get mad at the paper who continually gets off without so much as a bad rap.

Desperate times call for desperate measures! It is time to kill the messengers! Teach the paper a lesson by stamping it! HAHA, you will get your aggression out on the paper the paper will not feel the pain that it has caused your wallet (assuming that it is a bill)

That rubber stamp can say anything you want it to say, hell its your rubber stamp! Have fun, go wild! Go classic throw in a "POW!" "BANG!" or "ZAP!" for all you Adam West fans out there. "Maybe a blow it out your ass". Or a Catchy saying like "Paper it isn't just for misery anymore". Maybe even threaten more harm to the paper by just stamping a picture of a pair of scissors on it.

Kids you can join in on the fun with kids stamps designed to say no to homework such as "down with Homework!" "My dog will eat this as soon as I get home" and "You know I am going to fail anyways so why bother"

Customized stamps are being sold at the Kevin's shop full of awesomeness. and they are only a small price of $714.82 (not including tax or shipping and handling). Prices completely subject to change and are not on an actual pay scale. Allow 7 to infinity years for the delivery, payment for stamps needed upon order (in full). Any questions feel free to call our marketing expert Tnad Kruze and 1-888-SHOVE-IT.

Punch that paper in the face so I don't have to!

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Random thoughts….

Coffee has 3 options for temperature
Cool and refreshing
Hot and jump starting
Room temperature and ass tasting

Due to uncontrollable circumstances:
I was walking through the mall the other day and came across this sign "Due to uncontrollable circumstances. We are out of a lot of our ice cream because someone left the freezer door open" Come on now, this should be obvious. This is not an uncontrollable circumstance. If you are going to use the first statement use something good as the second statement because that is totally controllable. It in fact is very controllable; close the door, don't leave it open. Fairly simple actually.

Now uncontrollable would be, the sun was so hot today it burned a hole in the roof and it melted all of the ice cream. Or that the chemical bonds of ice cream no longer support cold air, and we are now out. Hell, you could even go with the engine on the freezer failed.

"The correct statement for cold stone would have been due to employee incompetence someone (insert name here) left the door open and we have basically no ice cream."

I need to study the world before I can buy anything over $100. It has taken me 4 weeks of researching to be able to figure out which HDTV I was going to buy… that is a long time. Good news I know everything about tvs there is possibly to know and I could probably out talk a best buy salesman now.

Cookies are delicious

Vokda is cool again, just not in large sums or often.

Pet owners still suck

Dodgeball is fun and I wish it would make a come back... to bad the fat kid's parents don't like their kids to be picked on. And why not? Dodgeball (I would assume) used to be a motivation to get into shape so you wouldn't be pelted by your classmates with red balls for 2 hours a week. Now what? Nothing is and this nation is fat now. Way to go parents you made the next generation into a bunch of fat pussys who can't take a kick ball to the face. I bet you were the people that put the stop signs on the back of the peewee hockey jerseys too.

p.s. it only made me hit them harder in the back.

The following line will never get you laid “Honey, I am going to start farting in front of you now”
Rules or scrabble are as follows it’s a word as long as it is in the dictionary. New gameplan start putting random made of up words in the dictionary and play scrabble. Try and argue the fact that it was not in the dictionary on that one!
Coming home and immediately stripping down to your boxers is probably the greatest feeling ever.
After an entire day of staring at a computer screen I can not bring myself to look at a computer screen for more than 15 minutes for the remainder of the day… work is single handedly destroying the internet for me.

I have changed my stance on one thing; metal gear solid is now the top video series of all time… no questions asked. Yes, you name it; it is better than it. Zelda, yes better than Zelda the stories actually intertwine. Final Fantasy series, while in its later stages it has been epic but let’s face it 11’s side story with the 3 chicks and the dresses was the dumbest thing ever and so was 12 because there was no ending. They easily could have made more money by just remaking the greatest game ever final fantasy 7 but they did not. Resident Evil, while the stories run together and the horror is amazingly awesome… I still have to give the edge MGS, simply because an epic character like solid snake and the way the game changes slightly gives it the edge. (and if the make a MGS movie it will be the most epic thing ever) Mario, way better than this 2D cartoon piece of shit. No biggie.

I will never believe that a movie based on the hulk will look real or be good. Of course I could change my tune if I sat through an entire Hulk movie.

M. Night Shamaylanaananananananana is the worse director ever, and should not be allowed to produce anything after the debacle that was “the Village”

Coupons or coups remain an awesome idea but I constantly forget to use or bring them to the store.

Syracuse is better than whatever town you live in… because me, tim, and moose are here.

Tim Horton's is coming here, and no one believed me that it will single handedly loosen dunkin' donut's hand off of syracuse. I.E. get them off of every street corner. Thank god... TH is better anyway.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Bill Belijerk Sucks

Monday, January 7, 2008

For your convenience

Have you ever noticed that when you enter most public bathrooms now a days, the following sign is looking you in the face. For your convenience we have installed automatic flushers. Hmmmm..... Now shouldn't that be the other way around? Basically the place you are at, a restaurant, a mall, a grocery store has decided that you are not capable of flushing your own toilet. Now let me think about this, most people flush their own toilet at home, and take care of their business there so why can't we at this place? Well let's face it the location you are standing at has made the decision that you are not able to flush your own toilet and instead of wanting to clean up after you they have installed automatic flushers to stop that. It should really say for our convenience you can't fuck up the toilets in here, or break the toilets without really trying. So why even bother with the sign? There is no real point to it, and if there is a point to it; it isn't for my convenience I have a shoe and I can reach the flusher bar without your help thank you very much sign. It's not my fault that some people are bad apples and want to ruin your shit, so there is no reason to lie to my face and say for my convenience, because its not. Let's face it is irritating when the toilet goes off in the middle of going to the bathroom, one subtle move is all it takes to set that land mine off.

I mean come on its not like I sit here and say for your convenience I am going to offer some amazing political analysis when I am not. I mean come on, the flusher is eye level on the urinal. I mean who is thinking to themselves oh great I don't have to lift my arm to pull this lever down? How lazy do you have to be to not want to do that. Alright that's enough of this business.

Coming soon on random thoughts on life:
3:10 to Yuma review
AVP-R review
the new American Gladiators review

If I remember of course.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Kevin here with a movie review 28 weeks later

Wow what an awesome concept that was completely wasted. This movie had some awesome potential, it really did honestly. More rage zombies and more zombie killing yes this totally make complete sense along with some good killings to was all adding up to something good. I liked until the part when everyone that had any power or control over the point of the kids staying alive died. Soldier man leaving the roof to help out civilians because he doesn't want to shoot them totally feasible. Doctor trying everything in her power to save the child that could save the world from this virus, also works. Woman who is not infected by the rage virus but is a carrier also makes sense. So what went wrong? How could this plot fall apart? They killed everyone. They basically turned the whole movie into a family affair and wastes my whole 97 minutes which really was just a waste of download time nothing other than that, but still a waste.

The simple fact is there is no ending, the kid makes it to France and then spits on some I guess zombies are now everywhere... too bad. Of course this still protects us Americans until we go back over there and try to save them again. But who knows maybe we will learn from our lessons of the first movie and not go to help anyone again. Either way you look at it the whole continents of europe, asia and africa will be overrun and then they (zombies) will make it across the bering straight and make it here. Who knows though but over I give the beginning of movie a 61 out of 72. With the ending and middle leveling it out to a 51 out of 251. And that does not cut it for a movie at all.

Anyway until the next movie I watch enjoy not watching 28 weeks later, and if you do stop right at the part where the gas comes in and shut it off and assume everyone dies.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Possibly the greatest action movie ever.

Yes, we all know Alien vs. Predator is awesome and it has been for years, and this amazing movie (and it's sequel) got me thinking a little last night of how to expand on this series to even greater heights. X-men vs Predator! Oh god can you even imagine how awesome that would be? Wolverine vs. 1 maybe even 2 predators, cyclops taking on a random assortment of predators, colossus making 12-15 predators his bitch. While of course lesser know characters are wasted to the predator's awesomeness; such as rogue (whimy version from the movie), iceman who would be easliy be distracted by one predator while another one aces him and of course jubilee which the predators really would just chuckle at how useless she is and let a baby predator kill her. Here are some actual predator thoughts on the matter "random assortment of clicks" (traslated: into really this guy can turn into metal and all this chick can do is shoot fireworks at me? At best all this does is throw off my heat sensors).

Any obiviously many more battles such Gambit finally being brought in, maybe Morph (who would obivously try to turn into a predator and be killed), possibly even some enemies of the X-men brought into play to mix things up a bit. You know making them join sides to fight a common more advanced fighting machine. Magneto, Juggernaut was that all that was left from the last movie on the brotherhood side? I guess it was.

As for plot line... let's face it this doesn't need a plot line. This would just be 3 straight hours of awesome, or hell even 12 hours. We could totally run this into like 4-5 sequels there are a lot of X-men in the marvel universe and as far as I'm concerned (right now) there is a whole race or predators willing to fight the X-men. However since most people other than x-men fans / predator fans will want something of a plot line I could piece something together real quickly to make it work. First off it has got to involve Mojo who would be the only type of person who would be able to engineer something to this magnitude, pitting the X-men and Predators against each other. This would also require a new character to be added to the movie series other than the characters listed above which would be Longshot who is basically the hero of basically all of Mojo's tv shows.

So that is the basic plot line, piece together some awesome fight sequences in the oddest of places, which would really help maybe some 2 on 1 things, 1 on 1, 2 on 2 shit like that to keep it from being a 1 on 1 fight piecing together different characters, just changing the characters all the time.

Basically it would be a death match with the predators obiviously wanting to kill the x-men when placed in a situation when the opponent in armed, for the hunt and to protect itself. Until they realize that Mojo is just putting them into this situation for ratings and to keep people watching. Eventually they find away out and defeat Mojo. This whole sequence them getting captured, fighting (numerous battles, or maybe all at once intertwined together) and escaping could easily be 2 whole movies, with a cliff hanger from 1-2.

Of course at the end the X-men and the Predators basically stand face to face, professor X with his telepathy is able to speak with the predators and they come to an agreement that it is over. The X-men get away and back home with the help of Longshot and make it back to earth. However what the X-men don't know that on the way out the predators see their fallen comrades as well as the final score before they escaped. Seeing that the predators lost, or were losing depending on how you look at it. The predators vow revenge upon the mutants. This will lead us into the third movie which will either be the end all of the series of awesomeness or... will end with another cliffhanger.

Either way it will be awesome and probably the best series of movies ever made with a vs. in the middle of it.